If you would have told me five years ago that Star Lord,
Gamora, Drax The Destroyer, Rocket Raccoon, and something called Groot would
make 94 million dollars in three days and be bigger household names than
Daredevil, Punisher, and Ghost Rider, I would have asked for a hit of whatever bomb ass weed you were smoking. I grew up reading the Vance Astro/Major Victory
version of the Guardians of the Galaxy in the 90’s and even that only lasted
about ten issues before I found other books that weren’t as sleep inducing. Therefore,
I reacted with a side eye when Marvel announced the live action film featuring
the updated roster. I rushed out and caught up on this new team, Gamora and
Drax had been mainstays throughout the Marvel books in titles like Infinity
Gauntlet, Infinity Watch, Infinity War, Infinity Buffet, Real Housewives of
Infinity, and whatever title Marvel Comics could push out that revolved around
the Infinity Gems. But the Raccoon, the tree, and even Star Lord were unfamiliar
to me. Like the original series, my fascination with this new Guardians comic
book lasted a few story arcs and I was left thinking, “How the F**k are they going to turn these losers into the next Avengers?”
The answer became, let us make a movie so far removed from
the Whedon world of The Avengers; a movie so different from any superhero film that
it can’t even be called a superhero film, and let’s get back to having fun like
it was 1985!
The Guardians of The
Galaxy didn’t break the mold, it reset the mold and redefined what it means
to be a Marvel Film. With more in common with Raiders of The Lost Ark and A
New Hope, than Iron Man and even Thor, this isn’t Phase 2, it’s Phase Fun,
a standalone movie that doesn’t need Nick Fury cameos, an end of movie setup,
or a pop in from Tony Stark to take its place on top of mount geek. There will
always be “Is it better than” debates when it comes to Superhero films, but
this isn’t a Superhero Movie at all. Putting
Guardians next to Winter Soldier is
like putting Pulp Fiction next to Apocalypse
Now. It’s that different.
What’s it about? It’s about a young bastard who can only
watch as his mother dies babbling on about how his father was an angel made of
pure light who will one day return to earth for him. This young bastard grows
into an even bigger bastard, now in space, but still running from his past,
with only his soundtrack of 70’s Pop classics to remind him of that life on
earth. This bastard is Peter Quill, who no one calls Star Lord, a Ravager whose
gone rouge from his adopted crew of thieves with intentions on making his own
fortune by stealing an Infinity Gem. Much like Han Solo in the original Star Wars, Quill soon begins to pick up
a rag tag gang of the galaxies most off beat character. Gamora, the adopted
daughter of Thanos who was sent to retrieve the gem. Rocket, the genetically
altered genius raccoon who hates to be called a raccoon. Finally Groot, Rocket’s
bodyguard whose stuck on Pokemon setting verbally, only able to say, “I am Groot.” After an entertaining
battle between the four, the Hole In The Wall gang end up in a Xandarian prison
where they pick up there last recruit, Drax, a no-nonsense skull crusher whose
only purpose in life is to avenge his family's death.
Honestly, the generic hunt for the Infinity Gem plot isn’t
even what’s most important in the film, it’s seeing these individual assholes come
together to form a team. Unlike The Avengers ego battle between Rogers and
Stark, Guardians delivers on a much more personal level. Each one of these
characters is tragic, and when showcased alone, not very likable. It’s through learning to
compromise and work together do they all begin to shine. I won’t spoil the
major points of the movie; it truly is something that’s hard to explain with
words because it is such an off-beat film, but I will give you 5 reasons why
you must see it.
1 Rocket
Raccoon: All the actors are great… and Zoe Saldana can get it no matter if
she’s brown, blue, or green, but Rocket is the star of this film. Bradley
Cooper is one of those actors that you either love or hate, because he has that
ability to play the vanilla leading man or the epic douche odd ball, depending
on the movie he’s in. In Guardians, he shines as the voice of Rocket, stealing
the show anytime he is on screen. He’s more sadistic than Wolverine, has better
one-liners than Spider-Man, and he’s as genius as Tony Stark. Oh, and he’s a
talking raccoon!
2 Xandar:
Marvel’s Phase 3 will revolve around the Infinity Gems, and Xandar, for those
of you who are not familiar with the comics, is doomed to go the way of
Krypton. As a huge Nova stan, I clearly saw the set up for the Nova movie where
hopefully Rich Rider will take on the mantle of the fallen planet. Many of the
characters that play a huge part in both the Nova and New Warrior series make appearances
as background characters, leading me to believe that Nova may be the lead up
movie before Avengers 3.
3 Thanos
Returns: Most fanboys came in their pants when they saw Thanos at the end
of Avengers… others were like “who the
hell is that purple thing?” Either way he’s back in Guardians, where he’s
firmly cemented as the most powerful force in the galaxy
4 Dance
Battle: It’s only fitting that Kevin Bacon and Footloose would play a
pivotal role in such a strange and far out film. Forget Nebula versus Gamora, when
it comes to action, it’s the climatic end scene dance battle that’s worth the
price of a 3-D ticket. Don’t question it, just trust me.
5 The
Soundtrack: X-Men films are about equality. Spider-Man films are about
coming of age. The Avengers is about Scarlett Johannsson switching down halls
in an ass hugging catsuit. Guardians of
the Galaxy is about having fun. This movie is one big party! Project X in Space with photon cannons as party favors, and multi-colored hoes as eye candy.
Are there any negatives to be taken away? There is a lot
going on that is never explained fully in terms of plot while other things are
glossed over, like Gamora’s true motive, Peter’s dad, and the Kree/Xandarian
history that fueled Ronan’s anger. Nebula is wildly underwritten, but with so
many characters, it was easy for her to be lost in the shuffle. Ronan the
Accuser is the movie’s Big Bad, but he never reaches Loki status, much like the
Elf from Thor: The Dark World he’s another in a long line of generic Marvel world conquerors
who brood and hit things. Even with that said, the core cast and the wacky 80’s
movie vibe they capture mask the flaws. In the end, you’re not talking about
Avengers 2 or when will Nick Fury show up, you’re too busy exhaling because it’s
such a f**king fun ride.
Oh. What about that end scene? (Highlight text to read)
What better way to pay homage to nonsense in such a nonsense
movie than bring back the most unlikely Marvel character who gained infamy in
the 80’s? Howard the Duck pops up with the Collector at the end, for a wise
crack. Is it as dramatic and fanboy inspiring as Apocalypse Building a Temple
or Thor’s Hammer being found? No! But it’s funny, and that’s what this movie is
all about.
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